Dear Parents

Please use this story as advice for how not to be.

On my 6 hour flight home from Boston today (please don't remind me that I can fly to Hawaii in less time than that), I sat next to a father and about an 8 year old boy. I was in the window, the boy was in the center, and the father was in the aisle. Now personally I think it is polite to insert yourself between your child and a stranger, but I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. When the boy first sat down, the father told him to stay on his side of the armrest, to not stare over my shoulder, and not to play with the phone on the back of the seat. He also brought a cup with a lid that he informed the flight attendant he brought because the kid has spilled his drink too many times. But then the father started watching a movie on his itouch. The boy proceeded to throw his seatbelt in my lap at least 8 times, kick me repeatedly, try to take food off of my tray table, try to move my finger when I was adjusting the channel on the armrest, lean his head on my chair, set his hand on my chair, and play with my seat belt.

Then the father decided to switch places with about a 6 year old boy who was sitting a few rows up with his mother. So two young boys in my row; no parental supervision. Then the boy immediately proceeded to play with the phone, broke it, asked me for help to get it out again, and after I told him to ask his parents, proceeded to throw a tantrum that involved hitting the back of the seat in front of him repeatedly and yelling. Later on, when I leaned forward, he put his hand on my back and left it there. I had to physically pick his hand up and put it in his lap. Then when drinks were served again, he ordered cranberry juice. Which in case you aren't aware, is red. He then proceeded to play with his cranberry juice which involved picking up cranberry juice-covered ice out of the cup and dropping it in his lap and between us on the chairs so that I had to clean it up if I didn't want red juice on me. Then the power on his DVD player died, which resulted in him yelling "Help, help'" repeatedly, which of course was not heard by anyone of relevance. This tantrum also involved more thrashing of the limbs. He of course finally managed to spill the entire cup of juice, which sprayed across my tray table, fell all over his lap, and got all over his arm, which he proceeded to hang over my side of the armrest.

I finally managed to get the attention of what I presume to be a late teen/early 20s sister who was sitting across the aisle. She came over and proceeded to clean him up with wet wipes. When the father finally came back to find out what was going on, I asked him politely if one of them could please sit with the boy. He said, "Has he been bad?" And I nodded my head. So he sat back down in the aisle seat. At this point he became slightly more attentive - making sure the boy stopped putting his feet up on my seat, and mostly making sure he did not hang over the armrest toward me. Then the wife yells back to the husband to ask what the kid is watching on the DVD player and decides the younger brother should come back and watch it too. The father informs the mother that I asked one of them to sit with the boy. The wife proceeds to get indignant and say, well you can't choose who you sit by. She suggested I go sit in their other row, but the father informed her I had a window seat. She then suggested that they just put the younger boy in between me and the older boy. The father told her he didn't think it was a good idea. I left my headphones on and ignored it.

Awhile later the wife was back by the husband talking about how she had never in her life asked someone to not sit next to her and could not believe how ridiculous it was. I of course, since I can never keep my mouth shut, finally took my headphones off and asked the lady if she wanted me to list all the things her son had been doing. She looked at me disgustedly, and asked me how old I was. Regrettably I told her although it was none of her business, and then told her that was irrelevant. Of course the next step - "I'm sure you don't have kids." To which of course I responded, no I don't, these are your kids, and you should be responsible for them. Then she continues to talk about how kids are just kids and how she can't imagine how rude I am to tell them the kid couldn't sit next to me. "You can't choose who you sit next to on a plane." To which I informed her that I had merely requested that one of them sit with the boy. She of course just kept talking about how rude I was, so I just said, "look, lady, whatever" and put my headphones back on. She walked off muttering about how she can't imagine ever thinking the way I did.

Ultimately they sent the older boy up to the row next to the younger boy, the father stayed in my row, and the mother stood in the aisle. They didn't send the older boy back until the descent, and the mother never sat down until we were well below 10,000 feet.

Look lady, I understand why you wouldn't want to sit next to your own kid, but for god sakes, don't make a stranger on a plane babysit your delinquent child and then get upset about it. In case you haven't noticed, I was not involved in your decision to have a child, and I certainly didn't agree to help raise it. Have some respect for your fellow human beings!